Lately, without noticing, this blog has become a space of great support for me.
The fact that people I don’t know care to read, share and comment on my posts, makes me realize daily that I am not alone, and that goes for heavy stuff, as well as for meaningless thoughts that I am hesitating if to share at all.
Surprisingly enough, it seems that others are stumbling upon same issues, no matter which issues these are 😉
Well my loved readers, you have become my support group when I didn’t even notice that I needed one.
I can openly say that I didn’t really overcome this scary world incident (which was the reason I started this blog in the first place) and the things that I learned afterwards. I mean, although my daughter is not cutting, the world and it’s dangers to kids does seem as a frightening place to be since then, or as one of the readers of this post commented – it cut my heart open. Only it’s not closing back 😉
Yesterday she discovered another one of her friends discussing anonymously in Facebook her desire to cut, and her difficulty coping with life – autistic brother, divorced parents etc.
We sat together thinking how we can help this girl, who is unwilling to expose herself. We wrote her back in Facebook, tried to strengthen, explaining that cutting will not solve anything, and offer other effective ways to get help. Should a twelve years old girl (my daughter) deal with that daily?
Hey, childhood, where have you disappeared??? Come back!
OK, back to the advice:
I am thinking, since we are all sharing / shared or will share same issues, is it a good idea to open a website for us all to post in and discuss things?
Suppose there’s a multi-blog site, “parents space” or so, where you could all post your parenting issues, tough or fun, by subjects, and we can all comment and help each other out: Would that be a good idea? Would you like to be authors in this multi-blog? The only limit is that whatever you post should benefit other parents – whether it’s mental health issues, cyberbullying, crafts, nutrition, whatever:
Benefitting others is the key.
I can have it up in a few weeks. Let me know what you think, because I will not be able to take care of the content alone, I need you there with me.
Why is this black. And last:
OK. If you think it’s a very bad idea, let me know, but gently please.
156 responses to “Need your advice on this one. No, really!”
I think it’s a great idea for a website – you could put the word cutting so kids could find it.
I don’t know about “Good friends don’t let you do stupid things ….alone.” How about Friends don’t let friends drive drunk – that puts a more positive message out there. I just think – if I’m doing something stupid – I don’t want someone to come along and help me do something stupid … I would want them to stop me – that’s why I’m broadcasting that I’m going to do something stupid. 🙂 Just a thot.
It is VERY unfortunate that kids seem to feel so alone that they cut or drink or whatever else. Jesus is another person who can help in those hopeless situations – He is HOPE incarnate. So putting a link with info about salvation from God – from Billy Graham Association or 1800NeedHim which tells the gospel and the reason one might need Him.
God bless your efforts to reach out to the disenfranchised, lonely and hurting teen and probably younger.
Well god can’t help you and he won’t bring you hope…
You have to go step by step if you want to change something.
If you think that your situation, you’re in, will change within one day or week than you’re really lost and you need a “real” hand to help you. Not anyone you can’t see, feel or hear. You can’t relay on god in bad situations, only on yourself and the people how are close to you.
“Real friends are these who are with you when you’re down on the ground.”
Well I’m young but even I know that such friends are hard to find. Even so I know that you can’t always relay on your family. So it’s best to find help where ever you can find it…as long as it exist in this world and you can feel, see and hear it.
As a person who remembers his teen years with sadness and pain, I really wish this was about a resource for the teens themselves to vent , give and get support. Their misery seems to be barely of concern, it is all about how confused parents and that is part of the problem, not the solution. Try to put yourself into the youngster’s body with the raging hormones that are over-reacting to every unfortunate happening and you might find what they need is someone who listens, and doesn’t constantly criticize and “direct”. IMHO they are just trying to find a way to cope. Making sure you love them no matter what is really important as they suffer their teens.
I hang on to the knowledge that the child we see at the age of six or seven eventually becomes the man or woman. It’s so darn tough to rear children these days…especially so as a single parent. Love, love, love them!
Isn’t it also importent to let them feel that even when their younger or older? I mean if someone is importent to you then you should let him know that you care and will be there. Even if it’s mean just holding his hand or sit next to him. Well you don’t even have to speak. Just that he knows when he’s turing his head around that he’ll find you.
I ofen miss this feeling, that if I turn my head around that there is someone who cares.
Reblogged this on I Make things Two/Too and commented:
Hey – if you can support this lovely lady in her fight against teen and younger hopelessness – check out her blog post. Thanks and God bless you!
I think this is a good idea. We’ve been dealing with some issues with my 13 y.o. due to him being bullied, etc. Childhood isn’t what it was for us, unfortunately.
Hi. I sort of tripped over this post. (Thanks to you liking a post on my missions blog! Yes, I sometimes check out the blogs of my ‘likers’!)
Personally, I love the your idea. I did not read all the comments.. hey, unless someone else posts before mine goes through, I’m #100!! But reading a couple, a couple of things come to mind.
1. Kids are not raised by parents alone.
2. Our children are not growing up in the world we did; no matter how awesome or how awful it was when we were growing up.
3. When the nightmares of ‘life’ hit, we as parents need help. Help to sort through. Help to hang on. Help to get past the fear. Help to get past their anger, silence, moods and all that stuff. Help to know what to do. Help to know what NOT to do. Help to walk out the journey, cause it can be a really long journey. And we will most likely need someone to hold our hand.
4. And yes, Jesus is the answer always. But very often we are the form He answers in. And we often have the answers.. when the problem belongs to someone else…
5. Parents need to know they are not alone, just like the teens do.
6. Their pain is real. Parents and those in their lives need to recognize that even if we don’t understand. But a parent’s pain is real too, and the last thing they can deal with is our pain in dealing with theirs.
Sorry.. I can see I could probably go on and on. And yes, this hits way too close to home. 🙂 I did not mean to write a post in your reply box! But blessings on your endeavor!! 🙂
Something must be in the air….I was just searching our local “Children’s Village”, where foster kids and their siblilngs are put into a home with village parents AND village grandparents. It is a wonderful site and I would hope that other communities might look into it.
I also am looking into schools for my teenage grandchild who is getting into pot/booze and I hope no other drugs. Obviously this lifestyle is NOT working and again our children will become an endangered species if we don’t step up to the plate..
This is a wonderful blog. I’m going to follow…. 🙂
I love your idea of a website for parents to air and share their issues, problems and solutions. There are a few amazing authors that write about subjects relating to parenting such as Steve Bidulph. Wouldn’t it be amazing to have someone like that as a guest writer on the odd occasion?
Thank you for the like on my blog.
First of all I want to thank you for liking my post “What’s In Name” on Paper, Mud and Me.
Now, as to your help blog, I think it is a good idea except that you have to remember it will take a lot of time and work. The more people who join in to give “help” advice will involve more of your time because everything that goes up there will have to be monitored. I’m not trying to be discouraging; I’m just saying “Look before you leap.”
I am now in my mid 80’s and all I can say is I am so grateful that I am not a teenager in this time with all the confusion we have thrust upon them. I am also grateful that I am not a parent at this time. All I can do for my grandchildren and children is love them and answer the questions they sometimes ask.
I shall be following you to see how you are doing with the awesome responsibility of pareting.
Blessings and Aloha.
That support group is a good idea, but would need to be set up with careful guidelines. I was isolated from my family when raising children, and a support group like the one you are suggesting would have been great
I wouldn’t mind posting from time to time… the one thing I’d like to avoid is my own ‘businessy’ blog turning into a bipolar blog. It’s rambling as it is but I’m fine with that. Just the parenting part… doesn’t really fit in with knowledge or content management in business. My son is 3 so I don’t have teen issues to wrestle with yet 🙂
Great idea! Sometimes parents feel as isolated as kids. Not being a parent, myself, I couldn’t offer any advice but I’d drop by for a visit. Thanks for visiting my blog.
In my experience as a parent for nearly 40 years, non-parents often bring a clearer vision than we parents when the stuff has hit the fan. It truly does take a village to support the kids and their parents.
Great idea! I would love to contribute! Keep us posted. ~Ilene
I think It is a great idea. I would love to be an author as well. I am not a professional but I know a great deal about mental healtht for children and adults….. medications as well.
I am totally in.
I think it’s a wonderful idea, and I would love to contribute! My only “constructive” feedback would be to have some sort of set schedule/organization to who is posting what and when (unless you’d like it to be more like a forum, and then never mind :)).
You’ll never know unless you start with a single step.It’s for a good cause and I think you should not hesitate if you have envisioned this.Many parents will not miss it.Good idea.
I agree that it would be a great idea! I have worked with youth for over 20 years and have come across some very difficult issues from the youth group kids as well as our own family; dealing with drugs, alcohol, bullying, lying, stealing, cutting, fighting, low self esteem.
I used to cut when I was young. It can be overwhelming to parents and children alike. Keep us posted and let us know what we can do to help!
Thanks for always checking in and “liking” my posts. I always appreciate the support. I have nominated you for the Liebster award, or am inviting you to participate in the Liebster project or… anyway I am still a little fuzzy about pay it forward blog awards but you are on my list of 11. If you do decide to participate I look forward to your Liebster post! The link to my own Liebster post and the details on how to participate is here:http://stumpsandbeans.com/2013/02/15/this-intimate-personal-and-vulnerable-side-of-blogging-sh-is-going-to-take-some-getting-used-to/
Best to you! 🙂
Thank you it’s always so encouraging to get such mail! I have been nominated for the liebster award before so I am not sure how it goes now – do I put it twice in my site? 🙂
aw I am so awful at this chain blog award pay it forward thing. All of my nominees apparently have already done it before. Well if you want to answer the new 11 questions for fun I for one would be delighted to see them. But yes just post the link from your previous Liebster blog entry into my Liebster post comments so my readers can learn some more about you and discover your blog (if you like). I look forward to reading your previous Liebster post 🙂
hi there : ) I am a new blogger and I saw that you “liked” a few of my posts and decided to follow you and just started to read some of your posts! I am not a parent (hope and dream to be someday:)…I am 20 year old college student, so some may consider me still really young, some may consider me a grown up. But I obviously just got out of the teen girl phase a few years ago, so it is still pretty fresh to me. I have grown up in a very similar world that pre-teens/teens are growing up in today, so I often find myself relating a lot to them! Although my teenage years could have been much much worse than what they were, they definitely were not easy and although I’ve had my good share of times, I’m quite relieved that I am over that stage. Because of how tough they were for me, I am very sympathetic to teens now who may face challenges or struggles today. There are so many things I wish I could tell myself when I was 15, knowing what I know now, and want to say them to other teens out there as well! However even though I relate to teens a lot, I understand the parents’ perspectives as well. Even now, being in the gray area between independence and dependence I can come to parallels with my mother however I always understand why she is doing what she doing! That being said, if you ever need some third party input (someone who is not a teen but not a parent/”real grownup” and gets both perspectives) a young lady like me is definitely there to try can give some helpful feedback! : ) Good luck!!
Great idea and well done for trying to help make a difference. I’m not a parent myself, but I think as adults it’s important for us all to have support and exchange of ideas from our peers. As for teenagers, it’s important for them to have somewhere that they feel safe looking for information and advice from those who may be older and wiser. If you have the time, energy and desire to do this…go for it!
I think it’s a great idea. If you need a mom of 4 girls views let me know.
Thanks Andrea and yes I believe I do! Why don’t you read the latest post and mail me? Looking forward.
Wow what a great idea! I wouldn’t have seen your post if you hadn’t stopped by mine. Although I have a young child (4 yr old), I worry about the world she’s entering once she becomes school age. So much so that I am seriously forgoing a return to corporate career and considering home schooling. So much that I am subtly hinting to dear hubby that we may wish to consider staying overseas in Europe a while longer… Not that life is any easier here, nor that the children have it any easier, but there’s some comfort about not being bombarded by awful news of school lockdowns in the wake of a Newton, CT; of sad, despondent and sometimes, missed cries of help from social media vehicles like Facebook and Twitter…but who am I kidding? Unless we live underground, in our Zombie proof safe room, we can’t escape the realities of our high tech world that her father and I both embrace. We just need to find a way to communicate with our child, to raise her to be a self confident young woman… Hopefully, ideas like your parenting multi blog will be pervasive, be the norm when my girl enters the “confusifying” tween years. Thanks for the honesty and encouragement, I look forward to reading more!
Great idea…my 7-year-old daughter was diagnosed this past year with Type 1 diabetes and already the nurses are warning me that because of it she’s at a much higher risk of having body issues, anorexia/bulimia, depression and more in her teen years. Any support we can give and get as parents is always welcome.
Sorry to hear that. Would you like to write about the day to day coping with this issue?
Very interested, thanks for asking! It really has consumed our lives since her diagnosis and I know this is just the beginning of things to come. Let me know what you need from me as your multi-blog takes shape…it’s very exciting!
Hi Jen, thank you. Will post / mail instructions ASAP.
Sharing information is always a good thing. Your idea is a good one. My 4 children are now grown (20 somethings) and I found myself facing the typical mid-life dilemma “What do I do NOW?”. I felt unproductive about not moving faster to find a new purpose for my life. I’d make plans to do this or try that but all my time was being spent helping people with parenting. My children’s friends had always dropped by to visit or ask advice, whether my kids were home or not and it continued. Now they want pre-parenting, pregnancy, parenting, even life and career advice. I remembered Eckhart Tolle’s advice about looking for your purpose. It is not to ask “What do I want to do” but “What does the world seem to want from me?”. Then I remembered teachers and coaches saying to me, year after year “Please write a parenting book. One child like this might be an accident but not four.” I took it as a compliment but didn’t realize the weight of it. I realized I had been nurturing children long before, while and after I had my own. Yet it seemed too easy, too basic to be a calling. I think I was wrong. Times have changed but human nature has not. Parenting is the most important thing we will ever do. We need to share information. Although I’ve been writing all my life, I’m late to the blogging world. I’m unsure about getting started and thankful to folks like yourself to learn from. On the other hand, one thing I’m not unsure about is parenting. I used to be modest when people complimented me and praised the character of my children. Now, instead I thank them and say that it was no accident. I had a plan, it works and I’m happy to share. I’m sure I’m one of many who can offer help. While talking to others IN the same situation can be helpful to vent, it can also become a circular discussion. Sometimes talking to someone who’s on the other side of the problem can offer perspective hard to see from the eye of the storm.
You are most welcome to share your experience with the readers of this site. Please give it some thought (is there a specific parenting issue that you wish to focus about?) and contact me via mail. Looking forward.
Hi. Please post my blogs, whichever you choose. Do I need to do anything for you?
The site will require original content, sorry but I cant post your blogs. If you wish to contribute by creating content, please feel free to mail me.Thank you
Sure, will do. As soon as I have a spare moment.
What an incredible idea. I hope that you achieve great success with this website. Where Possible I would love to help. Being a non parent however being Irish I’ve a great ear to listen with!! Big Love Gizmosweeney x
I think it’s a good idea…changing the world one child at a time
Yes a good idea in the hope that many people really will share this project submitting questions and taking part…. through my blog I also had put some proposals but they unluckily had no appeal. Since I’m a parent and like this idea, let me know if you need some help in the creation and management of this new site. Besides, thank you for visiting my blog….
Hi, thanks for liking my blog post!
I think it’s a great idea. I’m 28 and many of my schoolfriends now have children, ranging from 0 to 11. I’ve found that many people ask questions on Facebook, from simple things such as at what age should they start talking, or is so-and-so normal, to asking for advice. Of course the mums with older children understand and are keen to help. They also use Facebook to moan about problems that theyre having (well, some do, others pretend their children are perfect!)
This would provide a great alternative, and would be especially good for shy parents, or parents who don’t have a supportive network.
Perhaps if it’s too difficult to organize a full-blown shared blog, you can just post a topic of discussion and allow the rest of us to offer our advice in the replies?
I know it’s probably messier to read that way, but I’d like to offer support when I’m able, without making a commitment to a posting schedule (being a busy single parent already maxed out with my current projects).
I’m currently working on a new site. You can either choose to write there, or just follow and comment when you feel like it.I will post about it when ready, so you are welcome to follow and I hope you will like the outcome. Thank you for posting.
great post – looks to me like you’re doing good with the parenting challenge. I appreciate that you read my post, “Some days are like that…”. thanks!
This is exactly the kind of idea that needs spreading.
Positive ideas, and absolutely zero “no, that’s not right” comments.
A collaborative community filled with common sense bouncing things off of each other, and I’m extremely excited to see that it’s forming here. I wouldn’t have seen this if you hadn’t liked my post, and I’m beyond flattered – because this is exactly the kind of thing that I dream of seeing on a large scale for when I’m a parent someday:
People that aren’t afraid to talk about their experiences without any other reason than a sense of community. What a great concept! Cheers!
I came to check out your website after I saw you liked my article about my own history with cutting. I feel for this girl. I wish there was some way I could help. Let me know if you come up with something. Maybe I could message her on FB.
Hi Caressa, so nice of you to offer help! I hope it’s not required by now as my daughter talked to her and I talked to the school counselor, I know they’re getting help for her. In any case you can’t help further because the Facebook message is not in English sorry 😉
Ok, well that’s good. Hope all goes well.
You don’t have to just worry about cutting. Some kids also hit themselves. Some even start fires because they cannot cope. I told my young son to punch up his pillow because he wouldn’t hurt himself and it was a good way of channeling his aggression/anger. I’m sure shrinks would disagree about that, but it helped him.
I think what you are doing fits what I am trying to do as well. Open the minds of others to see and feel what is going on around them, they are not alone, there are other people with the same/similar struggles. I applaud you and writing a blog essentially selflessly to encourage parents and support both parents and children is simply “awesome”. Being a parent is a full time job, one that never gives you a break, emotionally, physically, etc. so having a place where you can get lost and have a friend without having to talk is just the right idea. Thank you for making this possible, I hope it continues to grow and help people everywhere!! Keep up the good work!
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I think you have a great idea, and I like your approach here. Not one parent I know (even the ones who truly do have it all together) think they know what they are doing. We all make mistakes. Hey, I’m on my second set of kids, having raised 4 to adulthood already. I thought that made me a pro, but while I have learned a lot, I’m dealing with some issues now that I never did with the adult kids! Your thoughts about childhood being gone are so accurate! Our twelve year old’s innocence went down the drain the day she set foot on the jr hi campus! So much garbage for her to wade through. And finally about a month ago, we pulled her out and brought her home. I home schooled my grown four and this month for our daughter has been the best ever! She’s returned to us 🙂 and she’s growing and learning. Phew! Not an option for everyone I realize and there are pros and cons, but it buys us some more childhood, growing time before she has to fully immerse herself in the junk out there. At least we can help navigate it this way, and as you did with your daughter, find ways to help others too.
Thanks for checking out my blog!
I am a Life Coach and would love to guest blog or Q & A or whatever else you have in mind. I love what you are doing!!!!
Thank you for offering. Please mail me, firstname.lastname@example.org
in a few days I will finalize the site and be more available to answer.
Thank you for the “like!” I appreciate your encouragement both on your blog and from your likes! Please follow me here: http://magnificentlivingforteens.wordpress.com/ and here: http://proverbs226parenting.wordpress.com/. You will find support and encouragement for your parenting journey! I have a teenage daughter and am certain we can relate on many levels! Blessings, Sisterhood, and Love to you this day!